Chapter 5 – F_ck Y_u T_m Br_dy

My biggest mistake in FF this year …

… was not drafting Tom Brady.  Yeah LT is good, but my prediction is that whoever has Tom Brady on their team will win each respective league unless they totally suck.  Let’s look at the data.  Who owns Tom Brady?

1. EatCrap: Dan, 1st Place
2. JV: Emily, 1st Place
3. Consolation: Michelle, 1st Place
4. Gay Fockers: Steve, 1st Place

So you can see that the only skill needed to win in fantasy football is to NOT be stupid enough to NOT draft Tom Brady.  Now I would like to read off the list of names of all the people (idiots) who had the chance to draft Tom Brady and passed on him, in no particular order:

1. Richelle
2. Sam
3. Jeff
4. Michelle
5. Steve
6. Joe
7. Emily
8. Sarra
9. Greg
10. Dan

So who was stupid enough to not draft Tom Brady?  Everybody!!!  In fact, in the JV league, not only did everybody pass on Brady, but everybody did it at least 3 times each.  Brady was not drafted until the middle of the 4th round.  Boy was Emily smart… after passing on Brady for 3 and a half rounds, Emily took a brave gamble that she would need a quarterback, and selected the best one on the board at the time.  Genius!

What makes Brady even more of a great fantasy player is the fact that Bill Belicheck is a dick.  Who else in the NFL has audacity to go up 42-0 in the first half against a pitiful Miami team, and then come out throwing in the 2nd half?  The answer is nobody.  Frankly, one of the reasons Peyton Manning sucks so bad this year is that his coach is not a dick.

One last word about Dan… One may say that Dan passing on Tom Brady in the first round of the draft didn’t hurt him because he eventually got Tom Brady in the 2nd round.  Fine… I will concede this.  But I will also call attention to the fact that he also passed on Brady in the 1st round of the Gay league, and Steve got him.  So let it be known that Dan passed up Tom Brady multiple times, and he did not get him in the Gay league, where he currently occupies last place.

Let’s review last week’s predictions and results…

Eat Crap – No, Seriously … I want you to go and eat it.

1. Jeff over Sam (correct … this is a given [and it was])
2. Joe over Richelle (correct)
3. Dan over Michelle (correct)
4. Steve over Emily (incorrect)

Junior Varsity

1. Jeff over Sarra (incorrect … this is also a given [(correct) about it being incorrect])
2. Michelle over Greg (correct)
3. Joe over Sam (correct)
4. Emily Over Steve (correct)

Consolation – Are any of us really consoled by this?

1. Steve over Jeff (correct)
2. Michelle over Joe (correct)
3. Sarra over Emily (correct)

Four Gay People – Ambiguously

1. Dan will stay in last place (correct)

Total Correct to Incorrect Ratio: 11:1, 92% correct.  When you compare this to the percent of the time that all players in the JV league drafted correctly in the first 3 rounds, which is 0%, I didn’t do that poorly with last week’s predictions.

This Week’s Predictions (92% will be hard to beat, but 0% will not)

Eat Crap – Solidifying 7th Seed

1. Joe over Jeff
2. Richelle over Michelle
3. Dan over Emily
4. Sam over Steve (Believe it or not)

Junior Varsity – Fighting for 6th Seed (but not very hard)

1. Michelle over Jeff
2. Joe over Greg
3. Steve over Sam
4. Emily Over Sarra

Consolation – Girls are Better than Boys

1. Emily over Jeff
2. Michelle over Steve
3. Sarra over Joe

Four Gay People – Steve is Vulnerable

1. Steve will NOT get the high score for the week
2. Dan will stay in last place, even if he puts defenders in

Summary

If Tom Brady gets injured, all you first place leaders are screwed!